Flow Notes
Goals versus Lifestyle (Process)
Setting goals is great, but they don’t deliver results.
I have been setting goal to lose weight each year with limited success. This year, I decided to change my lifestyle rather than setting goals. I started hitting the gym 4-5 times a week, focused on eating clean, walked after the meals, moved a lot more through the day, focused on protein intake, and slept better.
All of it felt hard when I started it, but eventually it became a part of how I spend my day. It became a process rather than a goal.
And yes, I had misses in all the areas but the process ensured that I got back to my routine as soon as I could.
What I have learned is: Spend less energy on framing goals, and more energy into building better habits. Better results usually follow.
James Clear agrees when he says, “You are not your grand plans. You are your daily patterns.”
Skills And Attitude
Here’s what I find myself telling young people a lot these days:
Skills (and education) can only open the doors for you. But it is your attitude towards your work and people around you, that keeps those doors open while opening bigger doors for you.
I see many students getting carried away by pedigree of an institution, or weight of their degrees. Sure, they are important to get you in front of opportunities. But what you make of those opportunities will be determined by your attitude.
As we grow, we have to treat others well. Do the right things consistently. Not take things for granted. And grow in humility, just like a branch of tree that bears fruits leans down.
Skills define what you can do. Attitude defines who you truly are.
The former, without the latter, isn’t valued as much.
Work truly and Conscientiously
The story of my journey in solopreneurship, summarized by Carl Jung:
“No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you.”
On top of working truly and conscientiously, I would add:
- Work on your inner wellness (align intent with behaviours and vice verca)
- Learn with others
- Share what you know online
- Work out Loud (share your process)
- Add value through what you share
- Inspire others
- Connect people (multiply your network by connecting your connections)
- Be super-generous with your gifts
Then unknown friends will come and seek you.
The law of timing
When pursuing our dreams, we should pay respect to the law of timing.
According to Buddhist philosophy, some things in life arrive only when we are emotionally, mentally, or spiritually ready to hold them without destroying them.
I experienced this early in my career. During the first 6 years of my struggle to build a meaningful career, I always thought the world was cruel because I did not get what I wanted.
The fact was: I wasn’t ready and the universe was humbling me towards my rite of passage.
Eventually, the dark clouds parted and my career took off. It is only in the hindsight that I can now realize how profound the law of timing is.
This does not mean we passively wait for things to come to us. We have to work towards it. Relentlessly. Take each setback as a feedback. Improve constantly. That is within our circle of control.
Then trust the law of timing. Sometimes, a plant that takes longer to grow is just deepening its roots. Just because we can’t see them doesn’t mean there is no growth.
This is especially more important to remember in a world of instant gratification.
Things meant for you will come to you. If they don’t, you are still not ready for it.
A good enough life is a great life
A good enough life is a great life.
Motivational speakers tell you to pursue greatness so that you can leave your mark on the world. Make the proverbial dent in the universe. But the reality is: the world will eventually forget.
Here is a gentler truth: The pursuit of greatness is noble, however life of kindness, generosity and presence is enough. When we are gone, the most beautiful memories people will hold of us are not our trophies, accomplishments, or estates we build.
They will hold you in small and mundane memories: the way you cared for little things, made a breakfast (or a cup of ginger tea), the jokes you told, the beds you lovingly made, the places you traveled together, the conversations, the way you listened when they were in distress, the way you helped, connected with them, the way you shared generously, your attitude towards life, your joy, energy, and presence through it all. These are the simple things that people may remember about us.
Your legacy is NOT like a viral reel for everyone to see, it is the quiet rhythm of your daily love and kindness.
(P.S: I write this remembering my elders, grandparents and people I admired who are no longer around.)
Your circle of control
The world is a crazy place to be. Multiple wars are ongoing. AI is taking jobs away. Stock markets are tumbling due to geo-political sentiments.
And there’s lot more happening out there that you cannot control.
But here is something I have realized the hard way after spending (read wasting) hours and days trying to make sense of it all.
All the time you spend thinking about things you cannot control comes at an expense of things that you DO control.
Smallest action you can take now to improve whatever situation you are trying to improve is much larger than doing nothing but consuming how crazy the world is.
Nurture Your Independence
The real flex today is not running on the treadmill of ‘busywork”.
Not the 14-hour workdays. Not back-to-back meetings. Not a calendar that leaves no room to breathe.
The real flex today is:
- Saying no to work that doesn’t resonate.
- Choosing your own pace while being intentional about your impact.
- Deciding who you work with and what you work on.
- Embracing non-linear paths to create your version of success.
Building this kind of life takes investment – in skills, mindset, and your financial independence.
No one gets there on day 1, but nurturing your independence – professional and financial – is one of the most powerful things you can do to your future self.
Because the ultimate goal is to work with purpose on your own terms, not just work more.
Finding the Way
“Wayfinding” is a beautiful term because the path to mastery is never a straight line.
It is a journey that unfolds – as everything around us changes. Charting a fixed path is impossible, and if you are treading one, you are most likely on someone else’s path.
We are unique and so is our path. It requires constant searching, endless curiosity, willingness to experiment, learn from multiple disciplines, and test your ideas. Wayfinding happens when we are willing to move forward despite uncertainty.
The search itself transforms us and makes us ready for destinations we may never have imagined.
Quest is the goal. Finding the way, is the way.
Embrace the Fluidity
Embrace the fluidity. Give up on the need for fixed outcomes. Surrender to the flow, and you will be carried to your true purpose and fulfilment.
It’s not lack of effort or goal, but an inner receptivity to whatever experiences and emotions we go through.
Paradoxically, it’s only when we surrender, that we find our inherent strength.
The Value of Being Lost
First 6 years of my career were a total failure. I was laid off just a couple of years after I started working. I started a business that never took off. I endured for 6 years trying different things from coding to web development, from graphic design to copywriting. I even tried my hand at selling IT services, with only modest success.
I thought 6 precious and formative years were lost. It is only after I started my corporate career again in 2004 that I started realizing the value of all that struggle.
At work, I could do many things and that was my super-power. I could write code, decipher code written by others, I could write about it, I could communicate well, I could sell my ideas, I could deliver trainings, I could learn rapidly. Because those years of struggle prepared me for it. The diversity of experiences gained in those tough years propelled me into trajectory of growth. I could take on cross-functional assignments and challenges, learn at the speed of change and never take anything for granted.
In the hindsight, those 6 years were the most fruitful years of my life.
It is only when we are lost and clueless that we are introduced to our real powers as human beings. It’s only when a spring is pressed that we know how much it can bounce back.
I read this beautiful couplet that resonated:
“भटकनों में अर्थ होता है,
टूटना कब व्यर्थ होता है
शक्ति की खोई हुई पहचान जगती है,
आदमी जब बेतरह असमर्थ होता है।”
Loosely translated, it says..
“There is a meaning in getting lost,
It is not in vain to have a broken-heart,
A new-found recognition of hidden strength emerges,
When one is totally trapped and helpless.”
Bob Riley said,
“Hard times don’t create heroes. It is during the hard times when the “hero” within us is revealed.”
Hit the Road
My daughter started learning car driving.
The instructor takes the car to wide empty roads so that she can get the basics of gear, clutch, braking etc. right.
But when we actually drive the car, the road isn’t empty. There are so many variables that come into play – cross roads, traffic, U-turns, stop lights, slopes, unexpected bumps and so on.
That is where real learning happens. That is where your instinct sharpens, skills develop and adaptability grows. These unexpected variables forces us to think on our feet and choose best responses to dynamic situations in front of you. On the road, you learn as much about yourself as you learn about the outside world.
In that sense, the road is the ultimate teacher.
What is true for car driving is true for learning anything. We learn the basics in the comfort of a classroom but real learning happens when we execute what we learn, create something new, work with others and execute our skills in a competitive ecosystem.
Technology changes, careers evolve, markets are disrupted, product ideas fail, competition keeps you on the edge – all these (and many more) variables demand adaptability and resilience.
So, prepare well in the classroom to learn the basics, then hit the road. Create something meaningful and let those unexpected variables shape your journey of learning, and making a difference.
Choose Passion
Dear Learner,
We live in a post-qualification world.
When you clear your school and choose a professional course, you would normally be lured by pedigree of the institution, track records of past students, carefully crafted advertisements with salary packages of the past students. These external factors are important to consider, no doubt.
But..
None of these will help you, even when you get in the professional course, if you do not have one thing – PASSION. That is what you have inside you.
Don’t undertake career based on what the career can offer to you. Flip the script and think about what areas of work are you truly passionate about. Where you can contribute meaningfully to solve problems that you truly care about. Love for the subject precedes everything else.
That love will propel you forward. It will differentiate you. It will keep you going even when the going will get tough (and it will). It will reflect in what and how you do. It will show up in the work and speak for itself.
Anita Roddick famously said, “To succeed you have to believe in something with such passion that it becomes a reality.”
I have seen a lot of people build their careers in areas that they are not passionate about. They work, often feeling stuck, and keep rolling because work pays the bills (or keeps them busy). World of work is full of such people.
But people who have been truly remarkable have all been passionate about whatever they did. Passion was the source of their energy.
Think Sachin Tendulkar. When once asked what kept him going in the world of competitive cricket, he expressed that he was in love with the sound that his bat created when the ball came perfectly on the center of the bat. That is passion which differentiated him from so many others who played national competitive cricket.
Your goals will change. Purpose will shift. Nature of work will change. But passion will keep you going.
As you stand at the crossroads with multiple opportunities, choose that which brings you the most alive.
Choose passion, and you will do great, I promise.
Best,
T.
P.S: This is not a “follow your passion” advice because finding what we are passionate about can take a lot of trial and error along with a fair bit of failure. This is about bringing your innate passion in whatever you choose to do.
Career is Built, But Character Has to be Earned
Dear Learner,
Hello again!
Career is something YOU get to build. Through your intelligence. Through your ability to remember and apply things. Through sheer determination. By availing external assistance and coaching to accomplish things.
But character? The kind of human being you will become? That is not taught, it is built. Character is earned.
Very few things build (and reveal) true character of a person than adversity and failure. Falling short of a certain threshold (they call it cutoffs in academics) brings along temporary suffering and self-doubt, but also a great deal of realization. That suffering is not without a meaning.
Thanks to falling short, you are wiser. You know what works for you, and what doesn’t. You know how things work. It nudges you to try harder and work smarter. Failures sharpen us. It is through these experiences that we truly build a character. Failures make us resilient.
Failure teaches us lessons that intelligence alone cannot offer.
Be grateful for the setbacks. They are not diversions along the path, they are the path.
Onward and upward,
Tanmay
Stand Tall and Wait
There’s a Japanese legend that says,
“If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember, trees lose their leaves every year, yet they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.”
That resonated.
Dear Student
Dear *Student,
Congratulations on completing your 12th class exams, as well as a few competitive ones. I am proud about you making it this far with grit and determination. I know it has not been easy for you.
Your journey till now was a straight line – year after year, syllabus after syllabus and exam after exam – much like walking a straight path that many others have walked on before.
But now starts a phase that is more like finding your way out of the jungle where no trails exists. You have to carve out your unique path with combination of skills that can help you make a positive difference in the world.
Waiting for results, applying to various colleges, figuring out your path can feel overwhelming, but this is your opportunity to create a different path for yourselves through choices, turns, experiments, and discoveries about the world around you and about your own selves. This path you now create can possibly inspire others too.
Building a rewarding and fulfilling career is less like a destination and more like a journey. As you navigate your next best step, here are a few things you should keep in mind:
1) You cannot create a novel path for yourself if you simply follow what others have done. Be curious and follow what energizes you, not just what looks good on paper.
2) Skills > Degrees. Degrees are door openers, but skills are what keeps them open. “What skills?”, you may ask. The skills that you build at the intersection of what you truly love AND what helps others meaningfully. You can be highly qualified, but without skills and real ability to solve problems, qualifications are simply a piece of paper. “What kind of skills?” you may ask again. It has to be a combination of technical skills, functional skills (understanding the domain) and soft skills.
3) Escape the comparison trap. The world loves comparison, and ranking you on a scale. You are YOU – with your unique strengths, interests, and path. Comparison, they say, is the enemy of creativity. It is a way to keep you in the same track as others. Have courage to break free from the compliant path, and then you stand a chance to do something unique.
4) Learn what they don’t teach you in school but plays a HUGE role in your life, career and relationships. These would be things like communication, digital literacy (AI, tech tools, cyber security), public speaking, storytelling, collaborating with others, time management, investing, personal finance and curiosity. Most importantly, learn how to learn on your own through books, online forums and physical comunities. These are just a few that comes to mind.
You won’t know where exactly you are going, and that’s okay. You just have to take the next right step, and keep going. That’s what wayfinding is all about.
With love and belief in you,
Tanmay
P.S.: The *Student here refers to my daughter, my nephew and their friends, who may find this useful 🙂
Choices are a Signal
“Choices we make are irrefutable evidence of what we value”
We say we care about family, and yet skip dinner with them to attend a late night meeting.
We say we value health, and yet we make poor food choices and skip exercising.
We say that creativity matters the most, and yet we scroll endlessly without creating anything.
If your choices don’t support what you value, then all talk is noise.
Choices are signals – loud, clear and undeniable.
They tell a story of what you “truly” value.
The story you live is the only truth – everything else is just hollow.
Confession of Character
The way you speak about the world says more about you than the world itself. When you constantly see negativity, chaos, or betrayal – ask WHY. Because our perspectives are shaped by our inner state. A kind heart sees kindness and a hopeful soul sees opportunities. If you are constantly bitter, it reflects inner wounds.
Words you use to describe the world are a mirror. It pays to think about what your words are revealing about you.
The Clarity Razor
A razor shaves off the inessential. Here is my Clarity Razor (inspired by this post from Bill and Don Tomoff)
The Clarity Razor
“Choose what amplifies your freedom, fuels your curiosity, and lets your work serve others generously.”
This is a simple framework that allows me to decide and evaluate things/people/ideas/priorities I engage with. It has three guiding values:
- Generosity in Sharing: If it doesn’t help others grow, it’s probably not worth doing.
- Independence: If it compromises your ability to choose your path, say no.
- Lifelong Learning / Curiosity: If it doesn’t spark curiosity or deepen your wisdom, let it go.
Have you tried defining the filters (razors) to guide your pursuits?
A Few Things About Beating Anxiety
“Everyone around seems to be anxious about the future these days. What can they do to beat the anxiety?” is a question I asked to one of my friends who is deep into spirituality. A question that led to a deep conversation.
A few things became clear in my mind:
- Anxiety happens when we think about outcome without thinking about the process
- A deep commitment to process of learning can help beat anxiety
- Deep commitment to learning means we need to be ready to fail and disregard failures
- When our commitment to the process is strong, it is easy to reframe failures as a step in the journey – a learning opportunity to iterate and do better next time.
- When anxious, take some action – however tiny it may be. Action creates momentum where overthinking creates resistance. Take the minimally viable small action quickly to get past anxiety.
- Finally cultivating faith in something larger than yourself helps. One of my mentors once expressed that while your focus in on your next immediate step, the Universe (or the Higher Power) has your path figured out. The belief that we will be taken care of, that what’s happening with us now is leading you to what’s best for you, to faithfully act and leave the rest for the Universe to figure out – that is the ultimate hack.
Cultivating faith isn’t about religion – it is about taking action with conviction, even when outcomes are not guaranteed. It is about doing your part really well (your circle of control) and then surrendering to the higher power.
There’s no formula to build this resilience when everything around us is constantly shifting. But once we cultivate faith and be stoic about our circle of action, we are anchored, much like a small boat experiences the ocean, but doesn’t get carried away by the waves because it is anchored to the shore.
(Image courtesy: Dangelie Perez, Pexels.com)
Joy of Missing Out
The world tries to induce “Fear of Missing Out” on us. We end up feeling that we need to be on every meeting, project, opportunity or event that is happening around us.
In real life, the power sometimes lies in choosing NOT to chase every shiny thing and deliberately choosing to miss out. It’s called “The Joy of Missing Out” or JOMO – which is about making conscious decisions to skip the noise and distractions. It comes from a deep understanding that you cannot be a part of everything.
So instead of spreading yourself too thin, you just focus on what truly matters – whether it is reading that book, taking up that course, learning a new skill, building your own product etc.
JOMO is about missing out and that does not mean “losing out”. It is about gaining clarity and purpose by prioritizing the right thing.
That is the difference between achieving great things joyfully versus running in circles and ending up being frustrated
Key Question: What are you willing to miss out on, in order to truly focus on what matters to you?
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