Flow Notes
What you Give
This quote I read somewhere resonated strongly with me:
“What we give cannot be taken from us.”
We can give stuff, but the real giving is about enabling a long lasting positive change to the other person, to a group of people, and to society at large.
The beauty is you can start with just one person or one small cause.
Giving something that money cannot buy is the most valuable gift we can give others.
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Compound Burnout
Common perception: You burn out when you work too much, too longer. That’s a simple burn out.
Reality: You also feel burned out when you ignore your inherent skills/gifts to do work in environments that are unfulfilling yet well paying. It stifles your creativity and creates a void inside. That’s a compound burn out.
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Distracted 24×7
When you are constantly distracted by digital devices, notifications and by your own fear of missing out, you are never fully present.
When you try to focus on one thing, you feel like you are missing on countless other things happening on the internet.
This means you are never able to experience, enjoy and engage with anything at all.
Try NOT to be that person.
#NotetoSelf
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Ask, and you shall receive
“Ask and you shall get”, they say. Clarifying what you need to the world is an essential skill for success.
Many years ago, I struggled with this. The fear of what others would think paralyzed me from asking for what I needed. I underplayed my potential, till the time I saw one of my other colleagues asking.
My colleague very clearly asked for the kind of responsibilities and associated salary increase he wanted. He did it with conviction about what he was asking for and what he will need to do in order to deserve it.
When I started to put forward my ask firmly and clearly, I found success and fulfilment of living to my potential. I got book offers because I asked. I got consulting opportunities because I reached out. I got new responsibilities at work when I asked for it.
We often dread asking because it’s uncomfortable and there is a fear of rejection. We have to walk past that fear and ask anyway.
That is how we get to what we truly want – whether it is a certain kind of behavior from others, a salary increase, a different kind of opportunity that we are seeking etc.
So remember – you won’t get what you don’t ask for clearly. Your ability to ask is directly proportional to your courage and confidence in your own skill to make it happen.
The truth is – every ask is also an offer. You are demonstrating willingness to do more, courage to showcase your value and conviction in your abilities to do it.
Asking for something will sometimes result in a “No” – and that’s okay. Don’t let a few rejections of your ask discourage you from asking. The key is to learn from all the NO’s you encountered, so you can make your ask/offer clear.
Asking is a great strategy for success. Ask so that you get what you are worth.
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Fear is a Compass
We avoid fear, and yet overcomign fear is exactly how we grow.
Yesterday, my wife was scheduled to visit a national television studio for recording her interview on nutrition and women’s health. She prepared for it with zeal but on the morning of the recording, she was fearful and anxious.
I told her that having fear of maiden experiences means you are in the right direction. Situations you fear and yet overcome become stories you tell others with great enthusiasm.
In that sense, fear is a compass that validates your direction. If you are not doing stuff that induces butterflies in your stomach, you are probably trodding a beaten path. Fear means you are doing something that most other people avoid.
Our leaps of faith become stories that we fondly tell others.
No risk, no story.
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Fuel and Oxygen
We think fuel burns the fire. Fuel is our ability to work hard tirelessly.
But remember – fire does not happen without oxygen. Oxygen is our ability to stop. Take rest. Rejuvenate.
The secret to doing interesting creative work is not to focus simply on more input. You have to factor rest, boredom, wandering, exploration and white space in whatever you do.
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Relax
Life is like grains of sand that you hold in hand. If you squeeze it tightly, the grains will slip away. But if you open your palm and hold the gains, they stay.
The secret to living a good life is to not squeeze it tightly. Not to remain eternally busy. Not to be fixated on the goals and outcomes.
It is to do things slowly, do the right things. Focus on the process. Do things with a sense of calm. Do them well. Share it all along.
When you relax, you make the most of it. And you get the most for it.
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Micro-regrets
This I learned today.
Small regrets of today can snowball into big regrets later in life. The little things you neglect today can compound into bigger problems later in life.
So, when you hit your bed and if you are feeling:
- I could have eaten cleaner today.
- I could have worked harder today.
- I could have been more kind with that person.
- I could have wasted less time today.
- I could have called that friend.
- (Add anything you are not happy about in your day)
These bed time regrets can snowball into deathbed regrets.
Paying attention to these micro-regrets ensures that you go to bed each night knowing that you did your best in big buckets of your life.
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Simplify with Action
Sometimes, action is the simplest thing you can do. Thought can complicate it.
- Missing someone? Give them a call.
- Want to meet someone? Invite them.
- don’t like something? Fix it.
- Like/dislike something? Say it.
- Want something? Work towards it.
- Love someone? Tell them.
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Calm confidence
I once had a car accident. I was driving to office when a cow suddenly gallopped in front of me. I had to apply brakes and the car right behind me hit the hood.
Applying brakes was not my fault. Not maintaining a safe distance and speed was his problem. Knowing this, I decided to approach the situation with calmness.
The more the other person was agitated, the calmer I became. My calm confidence allowed the other person to understand what I was trying to tell him. He admitted to his mistake and we resolved an otherwise conflicting situation.
This experience taught me one important lesson about life: Play it calm when things don’t go your way. Never ever react in anger.
This helped me face some of the fiercest battles: from health emergencies of loved ones to helping family members navigate through a messy financial crisis. Situations will happen – but you have a choice to react proactively or reactively.
When we make calm our highest purpose, we are able to see clearly.
Calmness breeds confidence.
Calmness solves more problems than anger ever will.
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Do One Thing, do it well
The most essential life skill is doing one thing at a time with your full attention.
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Trust yourself
Ask people who you trust for their advice because it opens up perspectives you may not have considered.
However, your growth only happens when you learn to trust yourself – by listening to your intuition.
A lot of my decisions in life were totally against the conventional advice that my wellwishers gave me.
Guess those were the only decisions that were game changing ones for me.
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The Irony!
It’s ironical that we want others to trust us while we constantly doubt our own selves!
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Simply Dig
“Writing is hard for every last one of us… Coal mining is harder. Do you think miners stand around all day talking about how hard it is to mine for coal? They do not. They simply dig.” – Cheryl Strayed
True for writing. True for mining. True for almost everything else that feels hard.
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Choose your sources wisely
Algorithms are making our consumption less diverse – just like fast food companies ensure we eat same kind of stuff.
We need diversity and high-quality in what we feed to our bodies and what we feed our minds with.We don’t have to surrender to algorithmic content.
Choose your sources wisely.
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Real Maturity
You’ve really come a long way along the road to maturity if your mind today is not troubled by events of the past or fear of an uncertain future.
It may not be 100% possible, but the aspiration of achieving equanimity is a worthy one to pursue.
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Act, Don’t Whine
Greatness comes from acting on things that are in your circle of control or influence.
Greatness is diminished by engaging in gossip, whining, and complaining about problems outside your span of control.
If you really want to grow strong, act on solving the problems rather than chattering incessantly about them.
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When the dust settles..
Imagine that your results for an assessment just came out. People are calling in to check if you scored well. Teachers were anticipating you will do wonders. If you score well, people will congratulate and affirm their faith in your competence. If you score below your/their expectation, they will sympathize.
When the dust of results settle, think about what is true measure of your learning? Do your marks truly define what you learned about the subject, about your approach and about yourself?
The true measure of your result is the effort you put in. To be able to look into the mirror and say, “I gave it my all.” Marks and results are temporary but the habit of doing your absolute best in whatever you attempt serves you for a lifetime.
Recognitions are short-lived. People’s opinions are fickle, so they don’t matter. Then, why should you let their expectations dictate your sense of self-worth?
The real test is being able to face yourself in the mirror and feel with absolute certainty that you did your best.
Because the act of learning impacts us all differently. Some memorize well. Some learn by doing. Some needs other people to teach them. Some are self-learners. We all learn at different speed and rhythms. We are all unique but tests are standardized. That’s like putting an elephant and a rabbit on the same scale of measurement.
True learning is intrinsic and beyond any standard measure. It requires you to pour all your energy, creativity and passion into your subject. It requires you to try out, experiment, act and adapt.
And once you get into habit of doing that, nothing else will matter. Then, growth will become a happy by-product of your pursuit (and the way you do it). Opportunities will walk up to you.
Let unwavering dedication be real medal you pursue. Let the dust settle so you can see your true worth. Let real learning that makes a true impact in the world be your glittering prize.
Upward and onward!
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We are NOT
We are NOT:
- The degree we have
- The money we have
- The position of power we have
- The fancy possessions we can flaunt
We ARE:
- How we treat other people
- The difference we make to the world and people around us
- The problems we solve
- The humanity and kindness we bring to everything we do
- How we treat those who can do us no good
- What we do when no one is watching us
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Manifest
Tell the universe what you want in life. We get what we manifest. We become what we visualize.
Affirm yourself daily. Write your goals. Talk about it with friends. Think about what you are seeking.
And then see the magic. All that you manifested once will happen – not immediately, but eventually.
I once told a friend casually, “What if I can find an opportunity where I can sit on the top of an organization?”
Exactly 5 years later, I was country managing director of a large company spanning ~700 people.
Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny. Choose them wisely and then let it out to the universe and see the magic happen.
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